Horoscope, Issue 09

Mystic mug has some predictions for you…

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Forestwander.com

aerisAries
Mar 21 – Apr 19

Your research output doesn’t look so bright until a tall, dark, handsome stranger presents you with a proof of the Riemann hypothesis.
torusTorus
Apr 20 – May 20

The heavens are not in your favour, and people may try to take advantage of you. Don’t let them take you for a mug.
geminiGemini
May 21 – Jun 20

Tomorrow you will wake up in a parallel universe which is identical to this one, except for the fact that no one ever invented the Banach–Tarski paradox. So you get to invent it! Good for you!

cancerCancer
Jun 21 – Jul 22

Jupiter is in retrograde today, so you should walk backwards. Avoid proof by induction until the end of the month.
leoLeo
Jul 23 – Aug 22

Writing a horoscope for Leo is left as an exercise for the reader.
virgoVirgo
Aug 23 – Sep 22

Today you will narrowly miss being nominated for a Fields medal, but you’ll still be lauded for your contributions to astrology. I guess that’s a pretty good constellation prize! Eh? Eh?
libraLibra
Sep 23 – Oct 22

An alignment of heavenly bodies can bring you great fortune… if you manage to get a Nature paper out of the exoplanet transit you
just observed.
scorpionScorpions
Oct 23 – Nov 21

A small, silly mistake in your past can come back to haunt you, but only if you allow it to by making it a running joke in your maths
magazine for four years.
scorpion2scorpion2scorpion2
sagittariusSagittarius
Nov 22 – Dec 21

Today you will feel a wave of positive energy. Why? You’re a Sagittarius! Your sign is a rad-as-heck centaur archer! You should feel good about yourself. What do the other signs have? A fish? Come on…

Your wave of positive energy is a solution of $\displaystyle\frac{\partial^2u}{\partial t^2}=c^2\Delta u$.

capricornCapricorn
Dec 22 – Jan 19

You have been feeling a sense of unease building up for a while now, but you’ve been unsure why. It may be that a theorem you’ve relied on is based on a shaky proof. Take the time to re-evaluate your hypotheses.
aquariusAquarius
Jan 20 – Feb 18

An adverse pressure gradient will cause an obstruction to your flow. This month, green is your lucky colour.
piscesPisces
Feb 19 – Mar 20

See Sagittarius, but in reverse. Seriously, a fish?!

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