Horoscope, Issue 09

Your research output doesn’t look so bright until a tall, dark, handsome stranger presents you with a proof of the Riemann hypothesis.

The heavens are not in your favour, and people may try to take advantage of you. Don’t let them take you for a mug.

Tomorrow you will wake up in a parallel universe which is identical to this one, except for the fact that no one ever invented the Banach–Tarski paradox. So you get to invent it! Good for you!

Jupiter is in retrograde today, so you should walk backwards. Avoid proof by induction until the end of the month.

Writing a horoscope for Leo is left as an exercise for the reader.

Today you will narrowly miss being nominated for a Fields medal, but you’ll still be lauded for your contributions to astrology. I guess that’s a pretty good constellation prize! Eh? Eh?

An alignment of heavenly bodies can bring you great fortune… if you manage to get a Nature paper out of the exoplanet transit you
just observed.

A small, silly mistake in your past can come back to haunt you, but only if you allow it to by making it a running joke in your maths
magazine for four years.

Today you will feel a wave of positive energy. Why? You’re a Sagittarius! Your sign is a rad-as-heck centaur archer! You should feel good about yourself. What do the other signs have? A fish? Come on…

Your wave of positive energy is a solution of $\displaystyle\frac{\partial^2u}{\partial t^2}=c^2\Delta u$.

You have been feeling a sense of unease building up for a while now, but you’ve been unsure why. It may be that a theorem you’ve relied on is based on a shaky proof. Take the time to re-evaluate your hypotheses.

An adverse pressure gradient will cause an obstruction to your flow. This month, green is your lucky colour.

See Sagittarius, but in reverse. Seriously, a fish?!