Moonlighting agony uncle Professor Dirichlet answers your personal problems. Want the prof’s help? Send your problems to deardirichlet@chalkdustmagazine.com.
Dear Dirichlet,
My neighbour’s dog must be playing pranks on me. Every morning I leave the house to find more garden ornaments sitting cheerfully outside my front door. At first it was just 1 or 2, or groups of three, but now they’re forming little football teams, in 1-4-6-4-1 formation. I fear for the hyacinths.
— Melody Mottlebrook, King’s Lynn